I'm feeling Ambitious

Here's a list of funny quotes I've pulled together  from various websites :)

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. 
-- David Bissonnette

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. 
-- Henry Youngman

In my sentences I go where no man has gone before...I am a boon to the English language. 
-- George W. Bush

People tell me that Senator Edwards got picked for his good looks, his sex appeal, and his great hair. I say to them, 'How do you think I got the job? 
-- Dick Cheney

I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable. And I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave -- with all five fingers -- for their hospitality. 
-- George W. Bush

I can resist everything except temptation.  -- Oscar Wilde

 I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. 
-- W.C. Fields

For the female of the species is more deadly than the male. 
-- Rudyard Kipling

And that Concludes the presentation :)